The Cow's Revenge
Updated: Oct 18, 2022
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It Shouldn't Happen to a Vet Student: Episode 1, The Cow's Revenge
"So?" The vet asks me impatiently. “Is she or isn’t she?”
I sigh, "Not pregnant? ...I have no idea."
It’s been like this all morning. I guess, he tells me I’m wrong, and we move on to another victim.
I had completely given up and was now putting my faith in a mental coin toss that never seemed to come up in my favour.
As I discarded each elbow length glove so I discarded my ability to identify anything vaguely resembling a cow’s uterus and throughly lose faith in my diagnostic hands. I was keen to leave myself in this pit of incorrect answers without attempting to dig myself deeper.
The vet was dismayed regardless of my answer, neither of us knew why he was still asking. He valiantly assumed the position. Taking no prisoners he ploughed through the cow's peristalsis* to wrap up the days PD's**.
*Peristalsis
**Pregnancy Diagnosis
The victim moved forward to evade her invader. As one they headed for the corner of the shed. Moving as far forward as possible, she put her huge head out the gap in the corrugated iron. The vet was just coming to his miraculous diagnosis when she turned her head to one side, to investigate the wire to her right. His arm still firmly placed up her rectum, her curious nose touched the live wire. A jolt shot through the cow and the vet, causing them to leap in the air like they were practicing for their future role as a pantomime horse.
All movement halted for a beat as we felt the shock dissipate through the room. Shaking off any remaining electrical charge, the vet said, "I believe she may have just touched the electric fencing".
The farmers and I spluttered with laughter, doubling over at the scene. The vet exclaimed his relief that it hadn’t happen to me. For a moment I had the warm glow of surprise at his compassion, then remembered the paramount veterinary fear. Student injury paperwork.
We continued back to our vehicles in silence. As we left her in peace she raised my spirits with a knowing wink of this cows’ timely revenge.
Learning Points for students:
Skill in pregnancy diagnosis can come and go, and can be very elusive in the beginning. Stick with it and find yourself a good teacher. Also the uterus is often in a really random corner of the abdominal cavity, so some gentle searching off midline is sometimes needed.
Some vets were never meant to be teachers, that’s ok. However, they are a great learning example of how not to do it. Someday you will have someone shadowing you. It’s up to you to make them feel welcome and help their learning as best you can, or if you prefer, drag them along and destroy their confidence. Each to their own.
Ideas for improvement:
Talk to your students!
PDs: Vets, put your arm in first so that you can talk them through what they are about to feel.
Help them not be dismayed at their mistakes, we have all made them.
Help them work out where they are going wrong.
Keep them involved. Students need to be safe but they have to get experience to learn.
Work with your animal, not against it.
Know your environment, don’t get yourself electrocuted, it removes what little dignity and respect you might have had left.
Work on this, as it will make your call outs more pleasant, your students happier and the cows will have no need to plot their revenge.
Please feel free to send me questions and comments. I hope you liked it!
Coming next on It Shouldn’t Happen To A Vet Student:
A Cat Named Jad[rt
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